Gray
by Fat Puppy
Summary: Pre-TPM. Qui-Gon Jinn & Obi-Wan Kenobi. Obi-Wan becomes frustrated with Qui-Gon on a long mission where he fails to see what's really happening.


**Gray**

_**Summary**__**: Pre-TPM. Qui-Gon Jinn & Obi-Wan Kenobi. Obi-Wan becomes frustrated with Qui-Gon on a long mission where he fails to see what's really happening.**_

* * *

"You are frustrated with me."

Qui-Gon. Questioning his young apprentice.

Months into the mission, appearing to see only political games with little progress made. It was wearing on the student; his continued struggled with patience showing.

"Obi-Wan. The truth please."

The boy inhaled deeply as he used his fork to push the food around his dinner plate into random piles of varying sizes. The same horribly boring meal as last evening. And the evening before. And so on.

So it took him a long minute to respond to Qui-Gon's inquiry. Eventually turning his attention away from the plate of brown, white and green; but not without flattening them with his fork and reducing them from piles to mush.

"Yes, Master. I am frustrated with you."

"Tell me why." Qui-Gon Jinn appreciated the truth regardless of what was said, and unlike many Jedi Masters, he rarely held is against an apprentice for stating what they felt. It's why he encouraged Obi-Wan to speak his mind now.

"Master..."

"I will not be upset. If you are not understanding the mission or..."

The fork fell and clanged against the metal dish as Obi-Wan allowed his blue eyes to meet those of his teacher.

"I understand the mission. I do not understand why you coddle these leaders so. You agree to their silly demands and put us in positions that Jedi should not be in."

"You mean the mock duels."

"They are hardly mock duels. Those people, they put against you are warriors. They are fighting to win. It's not a game to them. Yet you continue to allow them to challenge you and you accept those challenges. What if one of them defeats you?"

Qui-Gon tilted his head to the side. He'd not thought of losing. Not that his ego allowed him to be invincible, but he knew his capabilities and mastery of the Force. Defeat was unlikely.

"You would never allow that to happen, would you, Padawan?"

"I cannot interfere. You ordered me not to."

"I fully expect you to ignore my order if you saw or sensed I was in danger."

Fork in hand again, the three flattened mush piles had been merged into one. "And I can't eat this. Not again. How can you eat the same food day after day for months on end?"

"I start by not mutilating it." Jinn cleared his throat and tossed a raised eyebrow at his student. "And then I empty my mind."

"You meditate while you eat?"

"Just long enough to get the food down. The food here is simply for nutrition, not for enjoyment." A hint of a smile crossed lips. "It is after all some of the least tempting food we've had on our journeys together."

"Master, it's disgusting. And that's being generous."

"Well, all right. But the food isn't your problem, is it?"

"It's one of them."

"But back to the main one. You worry, Obi-Wan. Too much so at times. For instance, you think to where this mission goes if I continue to 'coddle' the leaders, as you said. But you don't stop and see what's happening in the present during those moments, do you?"

A curious look, Obi-Wan cocked his head, confused. "I am not certain I know what you mean."

"The leaders discuss another duel to take place. What to you see during that discussion?"

"I see them using you for their amusement. Then I see you giving them them what they want without question, without concern."

"And what next?"

"I see you fighting and I... get anxious."

"Which we've already discussed. In the meantime you've missed everything else going on around you."

Obi-Wan exhaled a frustrated breath and began repeatedly tapping his fork on the dish. "I don't understand."

Jinn grabbed the fork from the boy's hand. "Focus, Obi-Wan. You are better than this. I have seen it. I know it. Tedious months on one core mission is no excuse to be so unfocused. Let go of your anxiety. You're missing so much simply because you are worried I might lose while these people 'use' me for their enjoyment. That is your ego by the way, nothing more. You are nervous to future events that many never come to pass."

"This is about that whole attachment thing that the Council forbids, isn't it? The Jedi Code. I worry for you and it distracts me and takes me away from the mission."

"This is not about attachment or codes or the Council. This about you being young and still learning and needing to fine tune your ability to focus better. So, stop thinking in the negative. Close your eyes. Empty your mind of everything except the challenge I was in this afternoon. Before we entered the sparring arena. What did you see and feel?"

Focus was hard, Obi-Wan knew it was a weakness of his when irritated or flustered... or bored. When things moved quickly, he excelled at quick decisions and choosing the correct path. When things plodded along, as it did with this current mission, it offered him far too much time to dwell on the negative, the worst, trying to _make_ the Force see the outcome rather than wrapping himself within the Force for it to _lead_ him to the truth. He did as Qui-Gon instructed. Eyes closed. Mind emptied. Letting go into the Force. Drifting back to faces, voices, gestures, emotions. Smiles? No, that wasn't right. These people didn't smile. Ever. But they were smiling... they did smile. How had he missed this? During their conversations with Qui-Gon about the mock duels and then during... there was enjoyment? Obi-Wan had worried about the possible danger and threats and about Jedi being used as toys or pawns, but he'd failed to see what was actually happening right in front of him.

Qui-Gon could see the boy connecting to the answers. He encouraged him further. "Good, Padawan. Now go back to the research you did on these people before we arrived here. The history."

Research. Several hours of it on their inbound flight. Months ago. Hard to recall all of the details, but there was one. Their ancestors long ago were sword fighters. Not of lightsabers, but I vibro-steel. It's why each of the challenges were with mock battle sabers - though still with deadly potential. They thrived on the thrill of the battle, honing skills against each other - friends, family - as part of their regular ritual. Many of their current generation lacked much of those skills. As they'd migrated away from their history into the lack of need of sword skills, the interest flailed as well. A select few held tight to tradition and the ways of the past; the 'warriors' as Obi-Wan had titled them.

In addition, two of the current leaders celebrated a long family history of some of the peerless warriors the planet had known. Then the Jedi arrived and among them, one of the greatest swordsman in the Jedi Order. It began to refuel that sense of historical pride.

There were cheers and ooo's and ahhh's during the duels. Faces filled with pleasure and joy and awe. Their ancestral past was returning to life simply because of the presence of a single Jedi Master who instead of sticking to script and serving only as mediation (as the Council had instructed prior to departing Coruscant) actually engaged with them with free will and authentic enthusiasm. In the process, the leaders and the people came to respect the Jedi, listen more to him, accept his cause during negotiations. A pathway to an eventual successful mission.

Obi-Wan had failed to see all of that, simply because of worry for his master and for the purpose and future of the mission. And, he admitted, because of ego. Qui-Gon was right. Part of this was about ego and vanity - a larger portion than he thought - about how they as Jedi should be above being used as toys. Obi-Wan knew he was better than sinking to such a level.

Qui-Gon however, followed where his instincts and the Force led him. He has no such qualms about ego, he never had as long as Obi-Wan had known him. On their missions, people respected Qui-Gon Jinn. They appreciated him. They _liked_ him. He treated the people and their cultures - their pasts - with knowledge and dignity. It was an ability that was unique. Obi-Wan had seen it play out many times, but hadn't yet found a path to that same propensity. This... was all about him - Obi-Wan. It wasn't about Qui-Gon at all.

A disheartened sigh came when Obi-Wan finally opened his eyes, realizing now, the truth of everything happening.

Back from his thoughtful mediation, he was fully expecting Qui-Gon to be glaring at him with disappointment. Instead, he saw only a probing interest.

"You see now?" The older Jedi asked.

"I do," a nod, "I looked past all of what was right there in front of me. I was concerned for the end result, not what was happening in the moment. Using the Force to help me see what was ahead instead of allowing to lead me to the now. And you are right, Master. My own ego has also been an obstacle. Feeling we should be above all of this simply because we are Jedi."

"I will ignore the ego issues for the moment. You know better and I expect you will learn from your errors. However, the Jedi _can_ be arrogant. Too much so at times. _You_ do not need to follow that path, Obi-Wan. As to the rest, well, some of the Council would say you were correct, trying to bend the Force to your will and use it as you saw fit. I will tell you differently. I want you to be one with all aspects of the Force. Allow _it_ to guide _you _and to balance you. It will not lead you astray, Padawan. You may alter the path it takes you at times, but if you allow it to truly guide you and show you the truth, it will be most beneficial."

Kenobi swallowed the words. The guidance. He'd known forever, even before being taken as a apprentice, the reputation of Qui-Gon Jinn. The Council called him a rebel. Some of them considered him an annoyance, always refusing to completely bend to the will of the Jedi Code and the Council. He followed his own path, the path of the Force. Obi-Wan had wanted to ask him forever, a question that nudged him whenever he became the most frustrated with his teacher. Now perhaps was the time to bring it up. Qui-Gon asked him to be honest. Always honest in his answers and his questions. So...

"Master, are you a Gray Jedi?" He finally blurted out.

Qui-Gon rubbed a thoughtful hand into his beard, staring at the boy. Surprisingly, the question hadn't caught the man off guard. He'd actually been expecting it to eventually come up. Obi-Wan was many things, but bashful about questioning him wasn't one of them.

"What do you think, Obi-Wan?"

"You defy the Council."

"Defy. I detest that word. We simply see things differently. But I will allow it."

"And at times, you operate outside the Jedi Code."

"You and I have discussed my feelings on the Code. It is flawed. Only a perfect Jedi can operate completely within it's bounds and there is no such thing, regardless of what some on the Council may have you think. The arrogance I mentioned. Jedi were meant to serve the Force. Not a Code. Not a government. That is what we are doing here. Serving the Force. Anything else?"

"The Dark Side. You've touched it. I saw you after Tahl died."

"I did, as you will at some point in your life, Obi-Wan. There is a balance there the Jedi have strayed from. The light is not as perfect as you may believe it to be, but we stay that path in the hope that we can bring peace where possible. I did touch the Dark Side and you helped me to see that I was not my correct path. Of course, had I simply abided by the Code and not allowed that nonsense about there being _no emotion, there is peace_, I would have found my peace by giving into my emotions and _not_ returning to you."

"There is emotion, Master. It's why you drifted toward the dark. But it's also why you came back to me."

"Despite appearances, I have developed an attachment to you, Padawan. Force forbid." Qui-Gon smiled. "Because there was that emotion, it allowed me to see past the dark path on which I had entered. Here." Returning the fork to Obi-Wan's place and indicating to him to eat, Qui-Gon sat back. "So, have we gotten to the bottom of me yet? Or do you wish to dissect a bit more?"

"Sorry." Obi-Wan accepted the utensil and involuntary shoved a bite into his mouth, making a face at the fowl taste. "Mmm. Delicious." He lied, swallowing and heading to another bite, when Qui-Gon pulled the plate away.

"Enough. You are overly dramatic."

Then it was noticed that the Qui-Gon's plate across the table was still full of his own dinner. "You eat yours and I will eat mine, Master. Or better yet, neither of us could eat it and we could leave the palace and go into town."

"And defy the orders we were given by the Governor to not leave the palace under any conditions? Obi-Wan. Keep thinking like that and you may be come a gray Jedi yourself one day."

The pair stood.

"So you admit that you are gray?"

"I am getting gray, thanks to you."

"Master."

"It does not matter what I am or what I am not, Obi-Wan. I do what I believe is right. What the Force wills me to do. I expect you to follow your own path, whatever it may be. I only ask that you keep my lessons in mind. Not everything is a clear cut as some would like you to believe. Not everything is black and white. There is much to be said for doing what is right rather than what the rules tell you do to. It's all I ask."

Obi-Wan nodded as he grabbed his robe and handed Qui-Gon his own. "I will never forget your teachings. I promise."

"Good." Robes on, Qui-Gon set an arm around the boy's shoulders. "Then, I suggest we go find something edible, stuff ourselves into a food coma and take tomorrow off from duels, politics, negotiations and everything else. It's been four months, every day, all day. I will inform the Governor and then let him know that the day after, he can set up _two_ challenges for us once the day's discussions are complete."

"Master?"

"Now that you understand me and my motives better, It would be wrong of me to keep all of the fun to myself, now wouldn't it?"

"Oh, very much so."

On their way out to locate a shuttle into town, Obi-Wan asked one more question. One Qui-Gon _hadn't_ been expecting, but one he could answer nonetheless.

"Master, do you think that _I_ will become a gray Jedi?"

"I do not." Came the immediate response.

Obi-Wan felt his shoulders sag a bit, feeling a wave of failure and disappointment. Qui-Gon felt it too and countered it.

"You have your own path, Padawan. I am not quite certain what that is, but I know it's vitally important to the future of the Jedi. You tend to follow the rules, which is not always a bad thing, don't get me wrong. But it's why I asked you to remember my teachings, no matter. It you are ever torn, I do hope that my voice in your head will help lead you correctly."

"I hope so too." A small shuttle descended toward the landing platform. "There, Master."

"Excellent. Our path right now had better take us toward some digestible food that doesn't look or taste like fish guts."

"That's what it tasted like! I kept trying to figure out what that stuff on our plates actually was. The green slimy part kept throwing me off. I didn't know fish had green guts. Or maybe it was a green fish. Or seaweed? Could be the guts of something the fish eats as part of his regular diet or maybe..."

"Obi-Wan?"

"Yes?"

"Enough fish guts talk."

"We should not go to anyplace that serves seafood then."

"Agreed."

"And that is not my ego talking, Master, that is the common sense needs of my rebelling empty and disgusted stomach that apparently does not appreciate the finer things in life such as the delicacy of green fish guts."

Qui-Gon laughed, a sound Obi-Wan managed to bring out of him on occasion. The boy did enjoy a sharp wit and enjoyment of commenting on all things obvious. He just needed more seasoning in the way he worked within the cultures and with the peoples they were dedicated in helping.

_He'll get there_, Qui-Gon thought. _He has abilities and strength far beyond what he thinks he may be capable of at his age. Time and patience and he will get there. _

"Master, do you think we might find something to eat that doesn't resemble Master Yoda's mush?"

_Much time and much patience_.

"I certainly hope so, Obi-Wan. Let us keep our distaste for their palace food to ourselves. You will find that in certain political situations, a bit of decorum can go a long way."

"I know that you are right, but I also know that people tend to like you. In fact, you may be the only one that could get away with telling them that their food is completely inedible and should be tossed into a bottomless fiery pit and burned into tiny bits."

Another bit of laughter from Qui-Gon as he tried and and failed to contain it. Perhaps there was such a thing as too much truth in certain instances. "Decorum, Padawan. Decorum."

"It is true though."

"It may be, but it's not always wrong to stretch he truth."

"You want me to lie."

"I want you you to stretch the truth."

"You want me to lie."

"Obi-Wan."

Hearing the tone and seeing that he was pushing one too many buttons, Obi-Wan smirked and ended the back and forth. "I understand, Master. I will practice my decorum."

Their shuttle landed in what was considered mid-town. The pair consulted the pilot on suggestions for the best places to eat. Apparently, the pilot was as disgusted with palace food as the Jedi were, as he pointed them to a local diner that served mouthwatering gourmet dishes of which Obi-Wan ate three. He'd have ordered a forth if not for Qui-Gon giving him a silent glare that told him to stop it.

After, both sat back with contended stomachs. Finally.

"Yes, we have to eat here every day until we finish this mission."

"Don't get your hopes up, Obi-Wan. These meals cost money and Republic credits don't stretch that far. On occasion we will indulge."

"Master, they have street vendors too. Sugar Puff cakes. We should stop for dessert on our return to the palace."

A thought, Jinn hummed. He and his apprentice had made great strides this evening in their relationship. Despite the fact that he himself wasn't known for having a sweet tooth (unlike Obi-Wan) it did seem to be the most appropriate way to end an important day.

"You may stop for a cake. One cake. I can't have you falling on your face in sugar coma tomorrow during discussions."

"That would give a bad impression, I suppose." Obi-Wan said with a half grin and a mischievous gleam in his eye.

Qui-Gon shook his head. "You are a piece of work, Padawan. I will give you that. Ah, but I forgot. We are taking tomorrow off from working, so perhaps..."

Walking rather than riding back to the palace, the pair passed the vendors and stopped at the puff cake cart. Qui-Gon held up one finger from a distance, instructing the boy on ordering only one. Obi-Wan returned with two.

"You've lost your ability to count?"

"No, Master. I got one for you. I know you don't like sweets, but we've earned this."

Couldn't fault the boy for that thinking, Qui-Gon said to himself, as he retrieved the second pastry. He starred at the tall, cylinder shaped dessert. Perplexed. "How exactly does eat a puff cake anyway?"

"You've never had a sweet puff cake? Master... really?"

"Really. Master Dooku never indulged in such and as a result, I never did either."

"That's terrible. I mean, well, I don't really know what that is, but it's all right. I can show you. And when the apprentice teaches the master, the pairing is right, right?"

Qui-Gon cocked his head to the side. "Not certain one can apply that to this particular moment."

"Eh, it works. Okay watch." With a childhood skill that only the young possessed, Obi-Wan turned his head sideways, pulled the cake toward him and devoured the goodness from the outside in. Berry cream in the middle, soft spongy deliciousness on the outside, it was the perfect food. Tending not to agree, Qui-Gon came up from his first bite with a beard full of orange sponge and pink cream. It got a belly laugh from his apprentice; a laugh that quickly became contagious.

Four months into a tedious political mission in which Qui-Gon was slowly working to gain their respect and trust... this evening he'd gained much more in regards to his padawan. They were finally becoming a true Jedi team. More than that, and perhaps more importantly for both - Qui-Gon's emotional past with his former pupil turning dark and Obi-Wan's uncertain future with the Agri-Corps that scarred the beginning of their relationship - the pair were becoming friends. Not forced. Not artificial. An actual respectful friendship. Something neither thought they needed... until they did.

* * *

END


End file.
